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Sit On It !  

He spoke in anger and said,  "Just sit on it!"     To which I calmly replied,  "Sorry I can't until you get off it."  

After a gloating pause, I continued,  "ME?  sit where your ass had been!   You must be jesting.    Or was "Sit on it" your disguised invitation for me to join you in  that   "up-yours, suck- mine,  sort of game"  If it was an invitation, I'm compelled to decline.  

How can you be up your own ass, anyway?   Maybe while you're there you could ask your fellow travelers where this line came from:   "He's got his head up his ass."

Were your words an invitation for me to where you are -- to be  "Up yours"     Up your own ass is your position in life, not mine.  Sit on your own head.   So if " up yours" is your place to go and I don't care to know when, or where, or how far up you go. 

Draw a picture of a person with his head up his ass

Do an animation of a person with his head up his ass.   When the head gets pulled out, body deflates to a fraction of its original size,  Audio is farting.    It ends up deflated on the floor similar to a used condom.    The fern fairies pick him up,  blow some air into him and be becomes and innocent child.

  Famous Has been Harry, who'd want to be where you ass had been.  Unless of course, you invite those you think are prick like me to climb up onto you ass and pea.   Anybody sitting on it like you are must have a but ready for big reichards little boy.  

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When "Sexy" Just Isn't Good Enough:  

I sit quietly minding my own business, which, at the moment, is girl watching when I see her approaching.   The closer she gets to me,  more beauty she seems to radiates, and the more intrigued I become.   To say she's sexy just isn't a good enough description for what I see  as she walks, glides, and slides in my general  direction.   

She's more like sex, itself --  like sex showing itself off in a female body.   I look around to see if other men see what I see?   They do appear to notice her, but none of them  seem to give her any special attention.   Apparently, to them, she is just another beautiful woman among the many who cross their path each day.   To me, she is more like fire and water, mixed together in the same  package -- a package that takes my breath away.    

When I finally get to talk to her, my mind is so beguiled that I say to her,  "You do this to me why?"   

She replies, "Because . . . 

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Steam Roller:  

When I was a kid, there was this big machine that construction workers used to flatten out the tar and gravel when they, the workers, patched an old road or built a new one.  It was called, "a steam roller."   

Now, just you think about this for a moment and see if some really tough question don't come to you, like they did to me.

Does a steam roller really roll steam?   How do you roll steam, anyway?   And real question is: "Why would anybody in their right mind want a bunch of rolled  steam?  

And then there's this questions, "What was steam before it gets rolled?   Was it still steam?  Was it like you were before you were born?   By the way, what were you before you were born?  But let's not go there just yet.   Let's stick with steam.    

Let me ask this, "What is steam after it's rolled?   Is it still steam or is it like cake batter that becomes something else after it cooked."   Perhaps it's just rolled steam, something rolled up similar to a rolled-up rug.  

Do you suppose you could unroll some or that steam?   And if you could unroll steam, how would you do it?   And would it take a special tool like a "Steam Unroller?"  But what is a steam unroller?   And where would I find one?   Is a steam unroller the opposite of a steam roller?  

Can you Imagine telling someone,  "My occupation is that I'm a professional steam unroller.   How did I get into the stem unrolling business.    Well, to begin with, I don't have much competition.   I've pretty much got this entire occupation all to myself.    

Then imagine all that rolled up  steam.   What good is it all rolled up, like that?   Where do you keep it?   What do you use it for, and what would we do if we run out or unrolled steam to roll?   If we run out or unrolled steam,  what that would that do to a steam roller machine and the steam roller driver.   That driver, he'd be out of a job.   Just imagine, for a moment, what kind of trouble an unemployed steam roller could get into; or what he might run over with his steam roller machine?   And not only that, that big machine of his  would become useless,  and all those unrolled roads would be pretty bumpy and lumpy, not to mention Rough.    

As a side note, did you ever wonder how "ruff" got to be "Rough?"

What if that unemployed steam roller rolled his steam roller right over all the pigeon dropping in the park?   Or what  if he rolled his roller under that bridge over there?

And did you ever wonder how the steam got into that roller in the first place?   Do you suppose it was born there?   Or is there a steam factory somewhere that I've never heard about.    

Now these  are just a few of the question I had about rolling steam.   I'm sure there's more.

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Hammon  With All Those Eggs :  

The Best way to describe Hammon is to start where he started, in the womb.   Hammon had three moms.   Sandy was the first mom in the sense that Sandy produce the egg that grew into a baby's body in the second mom, Susan who nurtured that egg as it grew in her womb.   The third mom was Iris, a flower of a mom.   Iris was the mom who did all those things that loving moms do with, to, and for their babies.   And then there was grandma Jones who just loved to take care for Hammon.     

Sandy, the egg mom, was from a long line of Goddesses who, for the past 300 years have been specially picked to be egg production factories because of their superior qualities.   Susan is absolutely gorgeous,  incredible intelligent, and very healthy.   On the mental emotional side, she is a regal, debonair, refined, and charming.  She is always kind, generous, and polite.   We've seen little of her dark side because it rarely shows up and when it does, it was extremely clever and relatively mild.   

Susan the Second mom was anything but refined or charming.  She is an opportunist and a clever one at that.   She was paid the equivalent of what you'd call "a hell of a  lot of money"  to be the gestation factory for Hammon.    Susan is and exotic dancer, an excellent singer and an Oscar-winning actress with a long line of film and theater credits.   When she was at what some call the pinnacle of success as major celebrity and  actresses, she did a detailed,  all-the-way, love scene that included allowing the camera, a one time only opportunity  to get up close and personal between her spread-wide legs.   This threw the gossip columnists and the would-be-do-gooders into a tailspin.   

Shortly after that film was released, Susan was offered the opportunity to transform Hammon's egg into a baby.   In order to be chosen to gestate Hammon, she had to agree to put her career on hold and live on the Hammon's father's family  estate and have no body-fluid-sharing sex for three months prior to and for the entire time she carried Hammon's zygote/embryo/fetus in her body.  

To say that Hammon was influenced by feminine energy was an understatement.   He has three older sisters, a twin sister and two younger than him.   As a result of his circumstances, Hammon started learning about women from the moment he came out of the womb.   About women, he knows things that other men can't even fathom.   From the time  he grew old enough to begin feeling his own inner male urges, he has been treated very nicely by all of his sisters and by several of his sister's female friends and by three of His father's secretaries who's real job is to see to it that Hammon never experience any sexual deprivation.   So in this regard, Hammon is unique among men.  He is completely at ease with women no matter what they do or say.   

Now imagine Hammon going on vacation.  Where would he go?   What would he do?

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Hicking Hitches:  

If ditch diggers dig ditches, do hitch hikers hike hitches.?  

"The reporter, in his report, reported that a pair of hitch hikers were hiking hitches  along the Alfred Hitckcock highway.   

Imagine poor Alfred as a kid.   Hitchcock?   You've got to be kidding.   There was a girl in my high school named Linda Lackalaid.    If they met, what do you suppose they'd say to each other?

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Jill n' Jack:  

"Hello," said Jack to Jill, "Are you Jill?   "Yes, I'm Jill," said Jill to Jack.  

"I live up on the hill" said Jill.   "I'm from the Australian outback,"  said Jack.   

Jill is a first cousins to Dick of the Dick n' Jane fame.   

Jack loves Dick n' Jane, and Jill likes Dick, too,  but Jill's real love is for Jane.   

Do you know the real story and what actually happened that day  when Jack and Jill went up that hill under the pretext of fetching that pail of water?

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God Is My Grandfather:  

"Tt?

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Indian Apple Was:  

   Dateline: --  Indianapolis, Indiana --   Januember 99, 2099 

Gentle ladies and men,  this is Y. P. Hearenuffnow.   I am  talking to you tonight  from the sun deck on the roof of the  Hotel Junliet  (Jun lee ett)   at 300 Make Believe Alley, in Hooser, just south of  Indianapolis, Indiana.   I'm here to cover  "the- biggest-apple-in-the-world contest."

It is my privilege to announce that, after a bitter debate between the judges and the mayor of New York City,  New York City has been relegated to second place and the Indian Apple has been officially declared the winner.   

The Indian Apple was grown right here in Indiana, in Hooser which is a scant few miles away from where Indian Apple Was.   The Proud growers are the Beebee brothers of the Facawi Indian tribe.

For those of you who haven't yet got stiffed here at this fine, bed and breakfast resort and hotel, let me tell you that the Hotel Junlieat  was the the sheikist, cheekiest, sleekest, sneekiest hothouse hotels in all of Boston; that is until it's chief executive, Harvey Babbit banned Boston and moved the hotel west after building a brand new facility here at 300 Make Believe Alley, here in Hooser.   Because Mr. Babbit is also a leading and influential member of the Facawi Indian tribe, his movement was not only to leave Bostonians  behind but also  to reside  beside the Indian Apple House in  Indianapolis, Indiana.    But somehow he missed the mark and landed in Hooser.

Gentle ladies and men, I have just been handed a note saying the the Indian Apple is missing.   This is not official yet, but based on the buzz I can see down below in  the hotel garden area, something extraordinary is going on.    This leads this reporter to  ask, where the Indian apple is?   Gentle ladies and men, please stand by for further news.

While we are waiting, you might note that Make-Believe Alley was formerly known as Actual Ally in Indian Apple is In diana, but it's no no longer called Actual Alley.  It has been renamed make-Believe Alley.   And here's the real this about that.    Make-Believe ally is not an ally at all; it's actually an extra-wide, wooden walkway between the Indian Apple house and the Junlieat  Hotel.  

Ok, gentle ladies men, I have just been handed a second note with extremely bad news for both the Facawi Indians, apple lovers, and the apple house itself .   As it turns our the Indian-apple is, In-Diana Stoffer's stomach.  She ate it thinking that because she is the queen of this windless city, she deserved it.    

At this time, no rescue mission has been ordered.   Some fanatic fans are demanding that Diana be excavated.   The more conservative faction are simply calling for the remains of the Indian Apple be enshrined without Diana.    Please stand by as we await further news.

Diana's sister, Deena, solved the mysetry.    " In Diana," she said.  Diane ate it."  

So from that day then to this day now, Indian apol is had been called the Indian Apple was.   

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Th:  

I'm 

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The:  

"Tt?

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Ass Backwards  --  And Company :  

"What's the difference between backwards, ass backwards? 

Backwards simply means you have things reversed, while ass backwards say you not only have things reversed, you're also stupid.   

Ok, smarty pants, Here's some questions for you:   

Is ass backwards in any way related to belly forwards,  or the cat in her lap?

What does "bass ackwards" mean?   Does it mean,  "I'm not not wrong?  or  "I really didn't screw up."  or  "I actually got it right?"

And how about when you really, really screw up?   Should I say you've got it ack bass words?   

Dog My Ho:  

"Oh my God!   I really do have backward  bass ackwards, which means I've got it right.     Am I right?    Or am I right?   

But wait a minute, perhaps the answer is,  "there is no answer,"  because looking for an answer like trying to know God while limited to a physical body.    Well,  Dog  My Ho!   Not having an answer just might be "The Answer" --  the answer  I've spent years looking for.   

Ho!  Ho!  Ho!

Dog My Ho has come our of the closet.   He' really "Oh My God" in Drag.

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Some Words and phrases to Play with :  

What ever happened to "A tisket a Tasket and that crazy yellow basket?  And what was in that basket, any way?

Vinegar

Meet together

Advantage

fermenting

Dining room table

Believe:    Can Believe?   No,  Bea can't leave because she left a long time ago.   She went to over there to the local night spot where underwear is acceptable outer ware.   So in seeking to see Bea in her underwear, , I went  over there, but when I got over there, I discovered The " secret place-moving plot" had manifested again and "over there" was no longer over there.   It had mysteriously vanished and in its place I found still another version of "here."   And the "here" that I had come from was no longer over there where "here" used to be.  It had magically been re-named as "over there."   

But, instead of fritting or fighting, I shrugged my shoulders and decided to decide to see if  Bea was still wearing her underwear as outer ware, but she wasn't wearing under wear any more.   She had put on her birthday suit.   And it wasn't even her birthday.    

Birthday Suits:   Perhaps some day I'll go onto the business of selling "Birthday Suits" to beautiful women.    I imagine myself saying, "Just slip out of those cagey, restricting clothes of yours and put on this absolutely free-feeling suit.   It's completely washable in warm water; dries in minutes; and  guaranteed to be wrinkle-free for the next two years.  Not only that, it will continue  to fit that beautiful body of your, no matter what you eat."  

"If you buy today, I'll offer a free, private, detailed  inspection of your suit as often as you'd like.   I've even brought my very own suit along for your inspection.   Anticipating that you'd probably want to see one modeled, I'll just slip of these clothes and model it for you.   Then  you can see, first hand, how well it fits."

Take the High road. 

Give him the whole nine yards

speak to me

Fowl language  --  foreign language  -- 

How about Harry  

How about shuttin' the fuck up!    Where?  In the closet

Necklace High

Sports Jacket

Spotted tye

Alexander Graham bell

Foot loose and fancy free

This time tomorrow

Break the cycle    Break the lifecycle of a parasites in order to end it's existence.

Bent out of shape   

Afterwards ---   After words was, for him, a time that never came because he never seemed to shut his mouth, not even long enough to fart silently.

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